My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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