I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
