Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
