eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
