I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
