We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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