I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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