He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
