Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
