there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ketchup is God's man juice
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize