dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
