there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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