girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
