I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
