Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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