i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize