Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
