We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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