i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
