I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
