"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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