listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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