its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
