Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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