lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Plan B is the new Plan A
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
