I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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