So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
