So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize