Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
