Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize