She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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