yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
