She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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