I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
someone owes me an orgasm
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
