John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
