Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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