wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
