She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my sisters under your porch take her home
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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