It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize