i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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