I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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