We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
