We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
