yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
