I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
