just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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