he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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