eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
