Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I will pee on everything he values.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
