i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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