Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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