Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize