i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
