they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
BRING THE BAGELS
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
