My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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