Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
