Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
