Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
