I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize