How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
