so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
