Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
