dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
