Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
