drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
