Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
