I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
