Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
