She is in my trunk
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
