Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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