i just google imaged poop.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
