You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
