We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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