ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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