I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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