i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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