im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
