I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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