Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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