You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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