jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
