I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
