Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
