imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
