Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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