I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
