So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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