This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
