sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
