The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
