I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
