Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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