So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
