Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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