$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize