I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
time to smoke my breakfast
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
