My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
